For those who have been in a long-term relationship while collecting Pokemon cards, I’m curious how you communicate with your significant other about your collection & purchasing decisions.
This thought came up for me when I saw a recent post about someone convincing their wife to “invest” $10k in cards. Whenever I go to card shows, there’s inevitably someone who says something like “don’t tell my wife how much I’m spending today”. While I was waiting in line for the Prismatic Evolution ETB on release day, the guy I made friends with in line told me his wife had NO idea how much he was spending on cards, and he could never tell her or she’d leave him, followed by a “haha”.
These are pretty extreme examples but I do think it’s pretty common in this hobby. So for those who have established healthier communication patterns in your relationships, what does that look like for you?
For me: My husband knows I’m in a constant state of buying cards, and doesn’t really ask about the prices. But every once in a while when I pick up a card that’s more expensive than usual, I give him a heads up, tell him why I’m excited about it, and roughly how much it costs. He’s never given me a hard time (just made fun of me a bit now and then )
My wife and I have a threshold set of a few hundred dollars where if either one of us plans to spend that much on something (it’s going to be collectibles of some form for me), we let the other one know.
I also have “the whiteboard” which is where I have a number circled that acts as my overall collectibles fund. That comes from selling other collectibles, and it’s generally understood that if I spend on something, I’m going to update my whiteboard number. When we get a more traditional budget going again, I’ll probably keep the whiteboard going and just add the budgeted amount at the beginning of each month. I don’t know if she really cares about the whiteboard, but I like it, and like knowing that she can wander into my office and see where things are at if she wants to.
I have no secrets from my cat and it judges me so harshly for each package that arrives and isnt cat toys.
But i would say less interested in specific numbers but understand that it makes me happy and trusts im not going to mortgage the farm for pokemon investment money. When im talking about how absurd the cost of a $300 deck is, I dont think they have much to be worried about.
Similarly, my wife doesn’t ask about prices, but I’d happily discuss them with her if she did. We have talked about prices before, mainly when certain cards have appreciated significantly in value. I’ve told her before that I’m not interested in selling my personal collection, but I did promise that if it ever becomes a life-changing amount of money for our family, I would start to sell it for the benefit of my wife and children. We have been together 19 years now
Unlike @lyleberr I get a lot of support. The magpies, the neighborhood cats and even the generally disapproving hedgehog are all very supportive of my collection and my plan to liquidate the majority of it.
We’re a combined finances family. So more or less everything we do is known to the other person. It feels healthy and transparent to do it that way.
To that point, when we budget and there is “funny” money left over, we each take some and for purchases under a certain dollar amount (like sub $50), basically don’t need to bring it up. But for bigger investments, it’s an open and ongoing conversation. Two best examples for me are saving up for grading fees over time and purchasing my fan club eevee. Both were significant purchases that required us to align on spending money on those things instead of other things for a season.
I don’t understand doing it any other way. I feel like secrets kill relationships, so I’d never want to feel like im “hiding” my spending from my spouse. Hell, she never looks, but she does have access to our shared google drive which includes my collecting spreadsheet. She could look any time and see how much progress I’m making and how much is left to go. Although, I’m an eevee collector, so RIP the idea of a finish line.
I think in any healthy relationship both partners should have a certain allocation of “fun” money in their budget. As long as the purchase is within their allocation then it shouldn’t matter what it is, Pokemon or anything else. Likewise for their spouse and their purchases.
If spending exceeds that budget, then it is no longer just fun money being spent, and it better be justifiable within the couple’s broader budget, as perhaps a speculative investment. If that’s the case then both of them should be in alignment.
Personally, in my current relationship the agreement is I can spend whatever I want as long as the money came from hobby income. So if I sell something for profit I can reinvest all of the proceeds into other cards. I keep my Pokemon activities in a completely separate bank account so it’s easy to follow this in practice.
My wife and I share our joint income and allow ourselves a fixed amount each month to spend on what we want, so my Pokémon purchases come out of that so no need for discussion.
I should ask for a contribution as she does enjoy opening them with me but also enjoys sorting the spares/duplicates so I guess she’s earning her way!
If you know, I’m very much at the infant stage of collecting so no discussions around big purchases etc. at this time.
My wife and I have been together since we were in our early teens so she is well aware of my hobby. We have a budget set out for general monthly living expenses plus putting aside an amount each month towards savings etc. Anything on top of that is ok to spend theoretically but i always tell her if im making any purchases anyway. She collects books and video games herself so we both understand each other.
When my wife and I first discussed dating, I let her know Pokemon cards was a permanent fixture in my life and it would determine my annual vacation (worlds) and discretionary spending. If she had reservations about that, we shouldn’t move forward.
She was cool with it. Pokemon has never affected our basic finances, and she’s been very supportive. These days, I don’t really spend for fun on cards anymore, so the fun part is now going to worlds and seeing everyone, and we both maximize that experience.
It’s a great question and one that people definitely need to be honest with themselves about.
My wife and I both send a certain amount a month to a joint account for our adult expenditures, mortgage, bills, groceries etc., and the rest we keep for ourselves.
Really, as long as life is taken care of, and a healthy amount of sensible investments are prioritized first, I would hope most people’s partners would be supportive of their other half spending on whatever makes them happy.
The flip side of that is, I would hope most people respect and love their partners enough to not be spending silly money that they really shouldn’t be!
My fiance and I live together but keep our finances separate. Our agreement is that we can both spend our money on whatever we want. It works out well for us, we both have an accounting background and tend to save aggressively for retirement and other long term priorities.
Whenever I bring a date or friends overto my place, I make a mental note of their reaction to my mew/espeon slab shelf. Usually they think it’s cute/don’t say anything negative, but it’d def be a big red flag if they make fun of me for it. It’s also a big green flag if they’re really into it despite not knowing much about Pokemon; I gave a friend the dabbing duskull card as a small gift and he sent me a postcard while he was on vacation signed “To Mew, From Duskull”
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