How often do y'all socialize IRL in the week?

[Quuador]

Not often. I’ve lost contact with most of my high school and college friends after I graduated.

Outside of work, if I hang out, it’s mostly with friends from badminton or (ex-)colleagues.

I’ve been playing badminton for roughly twenty years now at the same club, once every Monday. I also joined a second club about fifteen years ago, where these days I play once every other week on Fridays. I also squash with (ex-)colleagues (two ex-colleagues from my current job, three current colleagues) once every other week on Tuesdays.
And we also have DnD sessions and board game evenings a few times each year with some colleagues, outside of the planned yearly events.

I also still see ex-colleagues from my previous job once every two years, when we go race carting. We’re all working at different places now, so it’s fun catching up once every two years.

After I started living on my own, my little brother also came visiting every Monday, where we ate together (alternating who cooked), watched some recently released anime, and then went to the badminton together. But he moved to Japan about two months ago, unfortunately for me. Right now it still feels like a long vacation, but I am starting to miss him more and more, ngl. But I’m also happy for him, since he had been looking for a job in Japan in his own work field with work visa for over two years, before he found his current job. He enjoys living and working on his own in Japan rn.

And I guess family also counts as IRL socializing. I’ve celebrated my birthday past Saturday with family, and also go to their birthday parties (when they celebrate it). I will also be eating at my parents’ place on First Christmas’ Day and Old Year’s Day.

For context: I’m (since last week) 34 years old, single, living on my own since two years. I’m working a 40 hours job, but am only at the office two days a week (I was already working from home two days a week before the pandemic, but since then, it’s only been more normalized - especially in my working area; software developer. Some colleagues are at the office every day, some only once every two weeks. Both days at the office and work times are pretty lax at my current job. Some start at 7 o’clock in the morning when I’m still in bed, some start at 10:00. I prefer 08:30-16:30 myself. )

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Having said all that, I’m an introvert, and already have too many hobbies to fit in the time I have outside of work most of these days anyway. I’m not sure how some of you do it with kids. And the chats through multiple Discord groups and this forum are also not to be underestimated in terms of ‘socializing’. Sure, it’s a lot different than IRL, but I feel like it’s still a world’s difference if you wouldn’t do that at all either.

Greetz,
Quuador

[SolemnStar]

As often as we make time for. Obviously its easier when you have a family. Living alone makes it far more difficult. I want to revitalize a group watch activity weekly. And I was voluntold to host a friendsgiving this year, which sounded fun. We don’t always get what we desire with social connections. Bring back local clubs and societies man. The internet is lame.

[tstark20]

Few times a week! Date night or two, watch football on weekends with friends, grab some brews or something similar.

[top10pokemon]

I’m fairly introverted. However, I work as an RN, and it requires me to socialize all day, everyday, and I can’t stand it. I envy you guys who don’t have to leave home very often!

[7PM]

Early 30s, engaged with no kids. Pretty often, 3-5 days a week, but I attribute this to having a very tight knit and consistent crew for rock climbing. This excludes any card shows or social plans with other circles of friends.

[joponnes]

[Cerulean]

@c0ll3ct0r

Friends can start to feel like family, but they’re not. They’re friends, and whenever something more important than you comes up (family, wives, girlfriends, career advancement, pets, change of lifestyle, whatever) your relationship could end on a dime. It’s easy to over-invest in friends.

Such good advice and I wish everyone would heed it more often.

I understand that in some very unique cases where people don’t have family members, friends are all they have, but I can’t even begin to tell you the amount of times I have seen people with tight, close-knit families actually base major life decisions on the opinions of their friends.

I particularly see this a lot with people who want opinions on their relationships. If you have close family members, why the heck are you making it a priority for your significant other to meet your friends to get your friends’ opinion on them? Or better yet when the friend acts like a parent and grills the significant other. I’ve always found that so weird.

@c0ll3ct0r

People often exclusively give you their lowest quality, least valuable time. That one friend you’ll only ever meet between 17:30-21:00 on the third Thursday of every month. Sometimes it’s a lot less obvious than that, but no less real. I can’t tell how many friendships I’ve seen end due to this dynamic.

This too. I have a friend who literally only ever calls me during his drive home from work. If he calls and I don’t pick up, I have a 3-5 minute window to call him back. If I don’t reach him during that short window, he isn’t answering because he is afraid to even talk on the phone when he is home with his wife (such a healthy dynamic, right?). We barely even speak anymore. Maybe once every couple of months at most. Still great friends who can pick up right where we left off, but you learn to accept things the way they are.

Going on a tangent here, but I also feel like whole “friends” thing is definitely more of an American/western concept. Yeah, friends exist everywhere, but westerners place FAR more importance on them than other societies. You’ll rarely see other cultures valuing their friends’ advice over that — or even near that — of their families.

[c0ll3ct0r]

@Cerulean

he is afraid to even talk on the phone when he is home with his wife (such a healthy dynamic, right?).

Hahaha, I have one like that too that I’ve known for over 20 years. Got his first girlfriend (which was his first girl experience of any kind ever) a few months before turning 30. The born doormat, deathly afraid of upsetting her. He’ll run to his second bedroom and whisper if I catch him at home when I call. I’ve heard how he talks to her, she’ll throw a temper tantrum on the phone for no reason and then he’ll talk to her in this certifiable baby voice and chew through maybe 2 of the 6 hours that we’re supposed to hang together when meeting up after 3 months. Haven’t seen him in 1 and a half year. If we did meet it would be like we saw each other yesterday, but why bother.

[xileets]

My sister and I talk about this. As we’ve gotten older, (30s) we’re both happy to sit and enjoy alone time after a long work day. But she has a much more stressful job, and I have always been more social. Still, she goes out dancing weekly and has a morning jog with her bestie, while I avoid weekly meets. I meet up with friends 2 or 3 times a month. Sometimes, it’s one on one, sometimes, as a group. This time of year (holidays) there are more group meets. I do larger public social events (mixers, hobby meets) once a month or so…

A LOT of my work is with people, so I don’t feel a need to socialize as much ad hoc. True friends will stick around. Those who just want you for the interaction but aren’t there to help, or who are dealing with too much themselves start to fall away but sometimes, come back. It’s totally what feels comfy for you, and I don’t think any one person has the perfect balance.

I teach recreational performing arts classes, (my old career, now a side gig) and many of my adult students take it as a social hour every week. Turn a hobby into a social hour. Friday Night Magic. Neighborhood jog night, etc.