“My girlfriend shipped your cards and I can’t find the tracking number. They are in the mail though.” - You’re never getting your cards - just open a PayPal case now.
My all time favorite:
*someone posts picture of extremely rare PSA 10 for thousands of dollars*
“Oh I have 10 of those somewhere in my closet”
Hahahah this is great
I love this one too because you know that 99.9% they are thinking of a different card. To them “PSA 10 1st Ed. Base Charizard” = “Ungraded Played Base 2 Charizard”. Then they say “Oh its the same thing”
“Flash sale” - I screwed up and bought too many cards, but now my rent is due and I need to sell ASAP.
“ufs?” - I will offer you 30% below the last eBay sold auction price.
“only a few of these floating around” - This card is fake.
“I have it too” - My copy is in PSA 0.5 condition and is indistinguishable from a dog shit, but I still feel the need to brag about it on the internet.
“#investment” - I watched one smpratte video and now I think I’m hot shit.
“Buyer covers fees” is the worst, just add all the sub costs to your total price and charge that
Why is it that everyone stating these lines and selling in those places are always 30 and younger? 
This is hilarious
Thanks @budget
I got this response two times, but I received the cards anyway😂.
“Cards are mint but check the pictures and judge your self” - the cards are nowhere near mint.
“F&F only, no notes!”: I’m not on speaking terms with the IRS
This is great … though I only take bank transfer or F&F too 
Spot on and hilarious lmao!
This is little bit off-topic, but who do I can find those insta/facebook sellers? ebay is kinda dead lately, i wouldn’t mind look for cards elsewhere.
My pet peeve is the low pop one. “These cards are all under pop 5!! Super rare!” It makes me sad to think that people may actually fall for it and pay a premium for a card that no one else would even spend the money to grade.
I found my local facebook group in a prerelease event. There the people offer the cards or put what they are looking for.
My advice: talk to the people, look on facebook pokemon+where you live, and check instagram. If you cannot find anything, you can take the initiative and create your own one.