I was sucked into the hype in early 2021. I was 31 and hadn’t touched my childhood cards since my mid-teens. I rediscovered a fairly deep passion for TCG and also quickly got dragged into the investment aspect of it, which became the primary focus. Making money long term (likely) by holding little grails sounds like a lot more fun than holding a stock portfolio.
I spent hundreds of hours learning about the hobby. I had success with the online business that I founded 10 years prior and had a lot of discretionary income to spend and an urge to diversify into alternative investments. I spent low 6 figures on cards over the course of a few months, which reached about 15% of my total portfolio value. I was a very… intense forum member at the time.
I eventually, suddenly had the realization that I was, for the first time ever, loosing control over my spendings; that my extreme frugality was displaced by an obession over buying more and more cards. My collection could never be large and good enough and this uncontrolled spending could eventually be truly financially threatening.
I became very nervous and suddenly had an urge to get rid of everything. I could no longer tolerate seeing the cards and I had them stored in another home until I could find buyers. The market simultaneously tanked, so rapidly liquidating my collection appeared unwise.
I progressively healed and my panic turned into a sort of love and hate relationship with the cards, where I both love the cards (innocently, for what they are, even penny cards) and have a deep sense that I shouldn’t spend any money whatsoever there. I reluctantly sold my collection over the following 2 years, except for 2 cards. The monetary loss didn’t bother me much and was inconsequential.
Shortly thereafter (about a year ago), this love and hate relationship became more intense. I became progressively more obsessed over the cards and I became progressively more concerned over this behavior. It reached a point where I would spend a lot of time contemplating buying a $50 card that I very intensely wanted, would get very close to buy it and ultimately decided that I absolutely, categorically must not buy it, because that is only one of a large number of other cards that I want and… why not have them in an unlimited number of duplicates. I would then feel awful from this experience. I would contemplate collection goals mostly in times of boredom, which I tried to avoid. I was, at that time, enjoying full-time travels around the world while managing my business online. Although this sounds fun and exciting (and it is, to some extent), I was also more lonely than usual.
A few months later, I noticed that I was more nervous than usual. I developed pain in my left arm, then developed difficulty sleeping and occasional, mild chest and abdominal pain. I consulted multiple GP’s and a cardiologist and did a thorough cardiac exam and a blood test and all was fine.
A few months later (5 months ago), still enjoying peaceful vacations in Thailand, I woke up in the middle of the night with my heart racing (120+ bpm), difficulty breathing and chest pain. I dragged myself to the medical clinic and asked for a psychiatrist, who diagnosed a generalized anxiety disorder and prescribed a sleep aid and a benzodiazepines. I decided against taking the drugs (one of them causes addiction) and opted for naturopathy. My situation didn’t improve over the following days. Although my mind was clear, I lost the ability to form short term memory (extreme confusion). I became utterly unable to think very specifically about the cards. It’s as if my brain knew where the neurons processing thoughts about the cards where, but these neurons couldn’t be accessed. Despite the extreme physical symptoms, I was mentally perfectly calm and serene. I tried CBD (cannabis) oil twice and twice had a psychotic event, including one where I vividly pictured myself satisfyingly burning cards.
I attempted to fly back to my parents’ place, but was denied boarding. I could hardly stand up and was dragged in a wheelchair to the airport’s medical clinic. I would shove my head in freezing water to attempt to calm the worse of the tachycardia. I made it the second time, after another week of rest. The confusion cleared up and thoughts about the cards modestly returned about a month later. The physical symptoms (which evolved up to extreme, non-stop chest, left arm and leg and left jugular (neck vein) pain) were displaced, over the following months, by mental health problems (anxiety and depression, recurring thoughts, insomnia). Current physical symptoms are mostly just postural tachycardia syndrome (standing up increases heart rate by 30+ bpm). I consulted a naturopath who suggested maybe long COVID, but I never knowingly got infected, am not vaccinated and tested negative to antibodies. Recent blood tests reveal extremely high histamine levels.
As I said, thoughts about the cards progressively returned. There were 2 or 3 days where I was more seriously contemplating them and these were days of more severe anxiety and insomnia. I normally try to be very mindful (i.e. think about the present moment), which is the polar opposite of how I was prior to these events (always projecting myself into the future).
Yesterday was one of these days. I decided to trade one of my 2 remaining cards (which are vaulted). It’s a cashless trade I would normally be very happy about. Shortly after closing the deal, a profound sense that I had made a terrible, awful mistake developed. To the same level as if someone was going to die as a result of my mistake. It was not rational whatsoever. Anxiety flared up. I had to get rid of these cards now. I sent one of them for auction on PWCC (mid-June). I could hardly sleep. I woke up unhappy that the card is no longer in my vault. I want the card and I think that, at its current market value, it’s likely a stellar investment. I’m returning to a more normal, rational mental state and will be able to proceed with my day relatively well.
I’m currently dedicating all my free time to healing, including having the proverbial fresh air and grass touching. This includes a meticulously, expertly developed massive stack of supplements, a perfect diet, breathwork, meditation, ice baths, daily exercise, vagus nerve stimulation, acupuncture, etc. I talked to a psychologist, but it was very uninspiring. Given the events yesterday, I thought that I would share my experience here and I’d be excited to hear your thouhts.
Thank you and be careful !
